Long time, no see! The spring weather is a-changing, and it already feels like summer here in central Texasl! We only have two seasons down south: summer and winter. They just don’t stay in the months they’re suppose to. Young love is also in the air, but when your lover is in a different state, your heart doesn’t quite seem as full as it used to feel. I personally need some physical love and support when it comes to being in a relationship, so seeing those couples on the street and listening to Thomas Rhett singing “You Make Me Wanna” makes me wish I had my own boy here to hold hands with.
Despite the absence, there has been an over-looming question in the air that has been floating around alongside the tree pollen and butterflies. My boyfriend asked me where this relationship was headed. This question blew me out of the water. I didn’t know how to respond or what to say. Obviously my heart said that I would run away with him on the spot, but my head was overwhelmed with college, grad school, debt, and family. This may seem like a negative, daunting question, but in all honesty, this is a great question to start thinking about before it’s even asked. When you begin a long distance relationship, what are your plans with them in your future?
Now there are a couple of different factors here at play that you may want to consider: your plans, their plans, y’all’s plans, the end goal, and time. I break this up to show priorities, and how they might intertwine or oppose each other. These are a few things you should consider, especially if you are in a seriously committed relationship.
So what are your plans? Have you thought about what you want in a year? Two? Five? For me, I already had a strict plan for the next three years: finish up my undergrad, move back to my city, and start my pursuing my master’s degree.This path was laid out for me long before my boyfriend moved. So how committed am I to this plan? Do I stick it out and ask him to wait for me, or do I drop it all and just figure out a way to be with him? Ultimately, look at the plans you have and what importance they hold to you. Identify what you need now and what can wait in order to be reunited with your lover for good.
What are their plans? What do they expect out of you? Start to consider their side of the story, and then ask them directly what they would like to happen. If you can drop everything and move to them right now, all the better. But if you can’t move, see what their limits are, what you can do to continue the relationship, and what they are planning for their lives from here on out.
What plans do you need to make together? Have you already made any? What do they look like? Looking at mutual plans (visiting, traveling, waiting) and making sure you both can deliver is important. If you can’t plan on anything together, this relationship will start to challenge you. So what are you going to do about it? Do your own plans conflict or coincide with what your partner has in mind for the both of yous?
When you’ve come to an agreement that solidifies the nitty-gritty of both of your separate lives, what do you want to achieve in the end? (Moving in together, traveling, marrying, a steady relationship) From personal experience, coming to this decision can be difficult to say out loud. I was afraid it wasn’t the same thing for us, but once it was seriously considered, it was a very possible option. If you explore every idea that your LDR can become, there is a higher possibility of sticking together. I have seen relationships flop because the ultimate end goal was completely different, and these couples just never really talked about what they wanted to achieve until it was too late.
Finally, take time into consideration. When’s the next time you’ll see each other? Can you see them any sooner? Would you have a problem waiting for them to move to you if it took months? Years? What does the arch of your relationship look like and where can you see yourself with them in five years? Ten? Time is a cruel mistress that does not stop for anyone. Especially for LDR lovers. Time quickens when you are with your lover, but drags out when you are not.
I hope these questions help you flesh out the future for you and your LDR. Asking these questions will not be easy, and you may hear an answer you were not expecting. But once you ask these questions, you’ll be glad you did. So your action this time around is to ask these previous questions! “Girl, You Make Me Wanna” ask all these questions! (Thanks Thomas Rhett!)